Believe it or not, this is a good ending. What follows is an email exchange with a former friend with which I was reconciling I asked to lunch and was declined as he felt uncomfortable with me one on one:
I am still a bit perplexed about our conversation today. I don’t understand how having lunch with a former friend (one on one, during the day, and in public) can cause discomfort while having an exgirlfriend spend the night at your home (alone and in private) does not.
Morality (and common sense, frankly) would dictate that opposite would be true as there much greater chance of immorality in a private home in the middle of the night with a girl that has been drinking and has been making noises about how she is isn’t entirely sure that she still isn’t in love with you (I spoke to her Friday, btw) than in a restaurant. under any circumstances. period.
I’m sure you will say that I am blowing this out of proportion and if I am, then I ask you to explain your logic to me, because without clarification, this sounds like a slight. I am trying so very hard to keep things [civil…there was a typo here] and not think the worst of you. I also think that most times I am the only one that wants us at peace for any reason other than looking good at church (which tickles me because God sees everything that you do and judges accordingly).
Set me straight,
You need to ask yourself why you’re making a big deal about why I won’t have lunch with you. There’s no reason for you to even ask this question. You know I don’t trust you, that I hate being pushed into anything as I have made abundantly clear–and as [a mutual friend] has told you as well. If I don’t want to have lunch with you or spend one-on-one time with you, that’s fine. You need to respect that. Questioning why is only going to aggravate me. It makes you sound like a jilted girlfriend. If I say no, I mean no. And no means no. Don’t poke the bear.
As far as [her name] goes . . . [her name] and I are friends. We haven’t been girlfriend/boyfriend since High School days. In all the years I’ve known her, she’s never done anything to shake my confidence or manipulate me. She is trustworthy. You are not. In the few years I’ve known you, it’s been the opposite. Your constant drama, attempts at manipulation, and false accusations of wrongdoing destroyed our friendship. I will not tolerate such again.
I’ve told you before that I don’t like being pushed. That means don’t constantly question my decisions. If I say I don’t want to do something, that means I don’t want to do it. As for my part, I wish you no ill will at all. I never have nor never will go and sabotage your friendships or intentionally hurt you in any way.
As to being at peace, I very much desire peace. I enjoy living a peaceful, settled life. That’s part of who I am. Always has been. I avoid drama as much as possible. So, no, you’re not the only one who wishes it. When you called to apologize to me, it was truly a great burden lifted. And, yes, I happily forgave you. It was appreciated. I’m in no hurry to be friends. If it happens, it happens. If not, we can go to the same church and have the same friend group and be at peace without being friends.
I’m going to set up a boundary here: we may speak on Fridays. Other than that, I don’t want any other calls from you. Emails and text must be limited. Don’t invite me to go do stuff and don’t pester me about it. Don’t question when we’re going to be friends again. If I want to call or you spend time with you, I’ll initiate it.
Lunch was settled. You said no.
I asked about your logic. I admitted that I didn’t understand and I asked you for a window to your world. I’m sorry that it upset you.
I asked you was there a friendship to be had. I asked because I don’t think that there is. I tried so hard because I think that deep down I just wanted to say that in the end we saw eye to eye and that this part of my life ended well. That was what I wanted to say face to face Wednesday.
Feel free to leave the game (the 30th will be the last session) and there won’t be anymore calls.
Good Ending… Seriously! (yes, that was the entire exchange and I guarantee you that the phone conversation was very civil) but it is a very good ending.
Meet me on the next page and I will tell you why…