[devotional] A Joy.full Giver…

It seems to me that God has put us apostles in the worst possible place. We are like prisoners on their way to death. Angels and the people of this world just laugh at us.

Because of Christ we are thought of as fools, but Christ has made you wise. We are weak and hated, but you are powerful and respected. Even today we go hungry and thirsty and don’t have anything to wear except rags. We are mistreated and don’t have a place to live. We work hard with our own hands, and when people abuse us, we wish them well. When we suffer, we are patient. When someone curses us, we answer with kind words. Until now we are thought of as nothing more than the trash and garbage of this world.
1Corinthians 4:8-13, CEV

“you are being tricked”
A friend pulled me aside to give me this piece of advice.

“I know, but I don’t want to talk about that now.”
I smile back and look into my cup of tea.

For some time, I have been thinking about the holiday season and what it means to my Christmas list. There are gifts for my girls and my husband… and then there are the gifts for my friends.

Even though the list has stayed the same, their statuses has changed in every way possible. People have moved away, have come to town, there are some that I’ve grown closer to and others that have distance (by design and by circumstance). But they are all on my list. Do I gift them or reject them? How much do I give until I are not a servant, but a fool?

Servants of disciples of God are called to assist in every single way possible to protect the Spirit of God that is within all. We listen, run people around, give use of our resources, encourage (and discourage) and anything we can to those who walk the path (or want to). And we do this knowing that some will take advantage, many will not listen, some hate us and more often than not we will never get anything in return. But the joy in this carries us and we continue.

But the question persists. Somewhat because I am a sociopathic spoiled brat, and somewhat because I don’t completely trust Abba and the Holy Spirit, but mainly because I am tired. And since then I have even paid the price for that, physically and emotionally. I have seen what my true worth is.

Let me reword this…

I now know what my true worth is to them. And that is what led me to seek a change in perspective.

And that is how the exchange above happened. They wanted to warn me, but also encourage me. I already know that there are some that think to manipulate me, some that use me and others that just don’t care and that drains me. But for every one of them, I get to help 10 others and the joy from that fills me until I overflow. I told them so.

“and that’s how you keep on even though you know you are being tricked. You serve to God for them, not to them.”

In the scripture above, the apostle Paul calls the Corinthians in to service and tells them about what this calling means. Many of the Corinthians thought that because they were well studied in theology, that was all that was needed and thought well of that and themselves. But Paul admonished them, telling them that the apostles and those other that hear the call to serve follow a path where they give all to a hard, draining, thankless job that will fill them with joy.

So I take my list and I change nothing. I give and expect nothing in return. I help when needed and sleep when I can. I grieve over losing the illusion of the family I thought I had and find joy that this is Abba’s work that I am doing, because that is how He built me. And in the end, I will always be what I have always been.

A servant of our Heavenly Father, Almighty God.
A bit of a fool.
And a joyful giver.
Thanks be to God

Just because [visual Prayer]

 

The thing about having so many photog friends is that I am never in the need of wonderful photographs. Every week, new snaps pop up on my Facebook feed and I find myself gazing at them (instead of writing) or once more paging through their albums (instead of grading papers).I look at the pictures people put on their walls; the silent history of the things that they cherish…

 

That candid shot of a father holding his child. That dog pile shot consisting of every smiling child in a 5 mile radius. The snaps taken when only the photog was looking; the one that shows the subjects true nature instead of mask they have worn for so long even they believe it’s real. Vacation shots, pet snaps, plates of food, I love the lot.

 

But the Holy Grail of pictures, in my opinion, is the landscape. Like the one to the below. Nature in all its fierce, wild glory

 

What does this have to do with prayer?

 

Everything. Abba puts himself in every facet of our lives. In the Bible, He describes the loving kindness and the care with which a father holds and protects his child. He provides a variety of food with tastes and texture that we either love or hate, not because we need all of these tastes to live; but it brings us enjoyment and He loves it when we luxuriate in the flavors and share that with others. He encourages gathering together, not just to worship him, but to build up and protect the spirit of Christ within us.

 

And then there is nature. This is where the power and majesty of God’s power is relentlessly on display. Civilizations thrive and are awed by nature.  Photogs have filled thousands of books that showcase every aspect of nature. David Attenborough has made a career that’s lasted longer than I have been alive about nature. It never gets old.

 

Why? Why does He do it?

 

Because. Just because.

'Invisible Sun' Photo by Victor Mabry

High Traffic [Devotional]

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything”

Psalms 46:10, The Message

 

One adjective that is constantly attributed to me is ‘busy’. I work two main jobs and several smaller ones, have a variety of hobbies and interests, a (surprisingly) vibrant social life filled with the most interesting and wonderful people, and a strong, happy marriage with one grown child and one that’s nearly there (if you ask me… ask her and you will get a totally different answer).  I also have a relationship with God that is growing stronger by the day.

Busy is good, especially by Western standards, and being productive and successful is good as well. But all too often I find myself busy, busy-busy…

An hour and a half at church (Amen) then DASH-

Back to the house where I sit for a couple of hours watching folks play video games (die a LOT!!) then DASH-

To this event that a friend has going on at this or that place then DASH-

I dash here and there, trying hard to fit it all in, but never quite taking it all in. Or sometimes none of it in.

What would happen if I took fewer commitments and sat down with the Holy Spirit gave prayerful consideration to the things covered on Sunday?

What would happen if I dedicated my time to encouraging and being encouraged by a few quality people instead of being simply known and generally liked by many?

What would happen if gave up the things that make me look ‘busy’ and ‘successful’ and became more of a fixture than a blur?

When we ‘step out of traffic’, when we stop running around and being busy (or trying to look busy) and look loving at God, we find that we want to slow down, spend time, and connect, not just with God, but with those in our lives as well. It only makes sense, considering we are made in His image and He desires nothing more than to be and connect with us.

For many of us, looking to God and slowing down would mean not looking as important, popular (which is something we still seek…even after high school), or successful as we want to be. But in God and through seeking Him we become what He wants us to be… and if we have the courage, this is worth much more than anything that we have to give up. It is above everything.

weakness is a good thing [Devotional]

 

“You were the weakest of all nations, but the LORD chose you because he loves you and because he had made a promise to your ancestors. Then with his mighty arm, he rescued you from the king of Egypt, who had made you his slaves”

Deuteronomy 7:7-8, Contemporary English Version

 

 

We are taught the need for perfection from a very early age. You have to be the best, because the best are the ones that are chosen. Whether it’s not being the last picked for a pick-up game, or getting to date that guy (who in turn is doing two a days to get on the team), or not getting to date that guy because you have to study so you can get into that college, so you can get that job. In the secular world, the best are the ones that are picked.

 

But Abba makes it clear that the reason that He chooses us is not because we are the best. Yes, he wants our best, He wants our whole souled devotion to Him and our love, but not because we are the best. Not because we dress the best, give the best offerings, have more tithes to offer, are the most ‘righteous’, are top orators, help the most people or anything like that.

 

We are chosen because we are loved by Him. Because He made a promise that He would love us even though we are not the best, we are broken and undeserving. John tells us that “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation [appeasement] for our sins” (1 John 4:10, ESV).

 

We are not capable of giving Him the love, devotion, worship, and commitment that He deserves. And you know what? He knows that. And He still loves us. He gave Jesus and the Cross (grace) to fill in the gap between what He deserves and what we can give. Grace is the bridge that connects our lacking, broken lives and spirit to a loving, long suffering, and just Father who wants nothing more than for us to embrace Him the way He embraces us.

 

This is a view that was very different than the one that I was raised with. We don’t have to stand in fear that we are not ‘righteous’, but we can have full faith that He spends every minute, every second, thinking of us and loving us, even though (and even because) we are weak.

 

Thanks be to God.

 

The Valley of Vision: a prayer for the New Year

The Valley of Vision is a collection of Puritan prayers that I discovered while worshiping with my friends Scott and Hannah at the Austin Stone. What blew me away was how much power and devotions as delivered in such simple language. Old English aside, this is a prayer that anyone who is truly in love with God and can feel his love for them can understand and relate to.

O Lord,

Length of days does not profit me
Except the days are passed in thy presence,
In thy service, to thy glory.

Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides,
sustains, sanctifies, aids every hour
that I may not be a moment apart from thee,
but may rely on thy Spirit
to supply every thought,
speak in every word,
direct every step,
prosper every work,
build up every mote of faith,
and give me a desire
to show forth thy praise;
testify thy love
Advance thy kingdom.

I launch my bark on the unknown waters of this year,
with thee, O Father, as my harbour,
thee, O Son, as my helm,
thee, O Holy Spirit, filling my sails.

Guide me to heaven with my loins girt,
my lamp burning,
my ear open to thy call,
my heart full of love,
my soul free.

Give me thy grace to sanctify me,
thy comforts to cheer,
thy wisdom to teach,
thy right hand to guide,
thy counsel to instruct,
thy law to judge,
thy presence to stabilize.

May thy fear be my awe,
thy triumphs my joy.

Amen.

The Perfect Pen [visual Prayer]

 the perfect pen

But I with the voice of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you; what I have vowed I will pay. Salvation belongs to the Lord!    Jonah 2:9 ESV

 

I thought I was being clever. I know that living in Christ means sacrifice. The issue was that I thought I could bargain for more time with my weaknesses, more time to ‘control’ my situation, more time with my pet sins.

More time without the pain of sacrifice.

So being incurably and incredibly clever, I tried to make a deal:

“Abba (‘Father’ or ‘Daddy’), I want to surrender all to you.

I want to surrender my earthly goods and resources, my ability to get things done, my right to an explanation, my desire to be liked, adored and generally well thought of, my desire to become a best-selling author, all of those things for you.

But I want to do it right; I want to write a surrender contract out in my own hand as I reminder of the things that I give to you. And in recognition of that, I am currently on the hunt for the perfect pen.”

But Abba, omnipotent, wise, loving and patient had a trick for me.

Two loving friends returned from Europe recently and as I greeted them, they looked at each other and then at me with wide grins.

“We brought you back something!!”  The funny thing was I always thought that the perfect pen was the Mont Blanc Agatha Christy fountain pen, because nothing makes a contract water tight than a 2100 dollar pen, right?

No.  A gift; small, but lovely and well thought out, given by friends full of boundless grace and kindness. With a nib that looks like it might well by flipping you off.  That was as perfect as one could get and I knew that as soon as I saw it. Abba had said to me “oh, you need the perfect pen? It just so happens that it’s in Rome…and I know just how to get it to you.”

Our Heavenly Father is patient and kind, even with those of us who want to stay a little longer in the world. But He also at times shows slivers of the great joy that comes from serving him to encourage and embolden us.  

 

Abba, thank you for your patience with me. Thank you for not giving up on me, but rather showing me that you are greater that my plans, schemes and fears. Thank you for friends that totally encourage my sense of humor and for pens that their writers off, proving that all things are for your praise.

Amen

 

in the beginning and at the end [Devotional]

“Give thanks to the Lord, because he is good; his love is eternal…Give thanks to the God of heaven; his love is eternal.”

 

Psalms 136:1, 26, English Good News Translation

 

 

These verses open and close Psalm 136. What comes in the middle is not covered here, because that is not the point of this piece. The point is that in the beginning and at the end, no matter how difficult, awkward, painful, or depressing the things are in the middle- all things being said- God is good and His love is eternal.

This is a thought that I easy to dismiss based simply how many times we have heard that.

“ow, god is good, chil’…”

God is good. But it is easy to forget that simply based on the things that he has allowed to happen.

“but why did this had to happen to me?”

But it does not dismiss that fact that God is good. His goodness is present in everything in nature. It is present in the beauty of the ocean, the awesome spectacle of a night sky full of stars, the horrific destructive power of the hurricane, and the ability of the human mind to create everything from chocolate the space shuttle.

It is present in the ability of kindness to sooth the pains that we come across, no matter if we are the giver or the receiver. It is present in the power of God that excels all thought that keeps us when all human understanding has failed us.

I want to trust what I can see. I say that I don’t trust good because I don’t trust Him. I blame God for the things that I have had to go through. But it is during those times that I forget about all the tiny, random, little things that bring me joy and peace. When I go through hell, I forget about all the people and things that God provides that truly comfort and instead rely on food, cigarettes, and shallow companions to ease the pain.

It is times like this when I have to remember that I see the past that was shaped by a friend that taught me about the real world and gave me the strength and the knowledge to live that world, one that was foreign after years in the [cult]Church. I see the girls who again and again gave me something to live for. I see all the wonders of the world in a search for myself. I see the Great Lesson that brought me down enough to be able to hear the Call and follow the Path, even as messed up as I am. I see the mentors and guides that have patiently helped me process my past.

I have gone through so much hell in this life that the one on the next life seems almost like a release. But I have also seen that God is good.

I don’t always believe it. And it sometimes takes me time to remember it, but that knowledge makes enough of a difference to keep me going.

Because God is good.

Thanks be the God.