What was supposed to be here…

What was supposed to be here was my celebration on how I finally got it. After 20 years, and more than a few good stories later, I finally found my calling. And about going to a presby church inside an active movie theater (there was Optimus Prime action going on in the next theater over during worship).

But what replaces it is the realization that my time with the Tribe is over. I want to say it’s because we’ve had a good run or the conflicts that have happened, but the truth is is that I have just outgrown the entire mess. I try to get in there with the rest of the passive aggressives, but it just feels puny, too small, and childish. The denial is too rich for my blood.

And I shake my head at what people are willing to fool themselves into believing, thinking that their lives are just fine and everything is beautiful in their own way… as they march confidently off a cliff they refuse to see but are more than happy to point out to the next person.

Does that mean that I am perfect, free of flaw and blemish? *scoff*

fuck no.

I see them and acknowledge them. Some are badges, some are embarrassments, and others are work in progress. And they can’t be used against me. Exclusion can’t be used against me because there are people out there that I don’t spend nearly enough time with that I like better than you. And (this is the most disappointing and shocking) I can’t be manipulated because none of you have a fucking clue about what I want and what I’m really after…

None of you…

Even after you were told!!

Yes, after you were told what you needed to do to get me to do just about anything, y’all each ignored me and tried some tired assed tactic that got results that you didn’t expect. I stand over to the side and shake my head as the slings and arrows land limply long before reaching their targets.

What does this have to do with religion and the Church, Sean?

nothing. nothing at all. This is the 5 am ramblings of a womna that has been up all night thinking about the last couple of weeks and seeing who has been at her side, who has let her down, who she wished had the guts to do or say something (anything), and those who just need to stop (please).

or maybe it’s her passive aggressive way of not being passive aggressive. lol






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